The Beginning

One day like normal the dancer named Alex had baked beans for breakfast but today he felt weird. Later he went to the pool no one would go near him so he got pool to himself so he went swimming when got out the pool was green and smelly then Alex yelled “yuck” so he went to the doctors. Once he got there he was seen by a doctor and everyone grab there noses the doctors hated the smell and they took a picture of the worst smell ever but once they took the picture he turn into Gas Man.

3 Responses

  1. aryaveer2014 says:

    I really liked the introduction you automatically used the word dancer. The story started to get exiting when Alex tured green and smelly i think you should add more detail for the introduction but I didnt understand the title name what does it have anything to do with the story?

  2. sammy2014 says:

    Hi Leo

    I like you story and I quite liked it but there was an error with a paragraph. The error was this: So he got pool to himself. I love your great work and that was the only problem I have spotted, over all you have done a great job so keep up your fantastic work!

    -Sammy.S

  3. jakew2014 says:

    I really liked it I liked how you described the pool and how he smelt and how he got that smell. I think you need to work on your grammar because sometimes it didn’t make sense like when you said he got pool to himself didn’t make sense.but anyway good story.

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