I looked around the darken night the blots shot from all directions the wind crescendoed and the carousel began to turn the roller coaster ran, the pier shook back and fore. The horses charged I ran. I looked towards the moon the final light faded I felt the air toughen and heard the pier creak. The darkness and the storm continued to grow. It was the darkest it could become I couldn’t see it was killing me draining me till finally the pier snap I began to run ever which till I felt the ground give way I feel to the ominous abyss.

One Response

  1. antsclass says:

    WOW LEO- this is outstanding!
    I love the way you have chosen to experiment with such interesting and powerful vocabulary. The mood you create here is dark and urgent. The use of a pretty and child-like image such as a carousel to begin this black and frightening piece is very clever.
    The one thing that would seriously improve this impressive writing would be a closer attention to punctuation.There are several spots where a full stop or a comma would have helped the flow for the reader,
    Great work!

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